My First Porn Review

So, I thought I’d better throw in a porn review of my own. The following porno was highly recommended by many members of my immediate family. My mother in particular, absolutely raved about it. My grandfather appreciated the delicate way in which the romance escalated.

It wasn’t for me.

Gangbanged – Blu-Ray Review

The cover to the Blu-Ray

Let me be clear first of all. The Blu-Ray cover is HIGHLY misleading. There is absolutely no mention of the fact that this BR disk contains not only the full 1080p movie, but also a DVD and digital copies of the film too! Absolute bargain (not that once you’ve experienced the breathtaking high definition version you would want to resort to a standard definition version of course).

Whilst on the subject of the high definition itself, I might as well start with the actual review here. The quality is phenomenal. Genuinely, fantastic. You could see every glistening drop of gorge squash, delicately slipping down each individual crease in Bobbi Star’s deliciously aged clam pancake. I am unsure as to which camera was used for the majority of the film (bar the heart pumping finale in which a handi-cam must have been used – and although the quality dips just ever so slightly, the added sense of claustrophobia and the closeness of the whole affair is a more than worthy pay off). So yeah, it looks good, it looks real good.

Allow me if I may to touch upon the perfrormances. As always Bobbi Star delivers unquestioning prowess when “between” the sheets (and in this case, the sheets being a strapping white boy and a hardened black fellow) every faint murmur is placed with such precision and soft ambience that it instantly draws you in. Its in fact, a warm and cuddly performance and after my initial watch, I lit up some incense sticks (Ylang Ylang), rolled out a yoga mat, perched upon it with a Lemon Grass smoothie, and had one of the most satisfying New-Age-Detox-Wanks that I have ever had. Of course, this is Ms Star, and you are never too far away from her signature Cave Clamps, and the acrobatic actress does it again! Pure filth, and the first and arguably best of such instances is at precisely 56:32 into the feature, and an ideal place for first climax. Not more can be said about her delivery beyond the fact that it is more of the same from her two most previous outings in Hoe Bus 7 and Put A Cock In Me, Old MacDonald.

The two men are strong and resilient in presence. Their manly postures make for a good anchor point, whether watching with a fantasial view of roleplay, or something more casual and voyeuristic. Their proud shafts, large….comfortably large and never towering so tall as to make you the viewer feel immasculated. As for the eventual shooting,….perhaps the only downside to the main feature, the black fellow dribbles a pathetic load out at  76:45 (to 76:59) and the white boy manages an impressive seven foot spectator-shot in the final minutes, but not much happens beyond the initial squirt.

The extras on the disk include a gag reel (all the times Bobbi Star gagged from oral sex) and a photo gallery – barely even worth featuring, however there is a nice piccie of the black fellow looking down at the floor, rather demandingly and if you’re into that kind of thing I feel confident in saying some extra content could be yearned from this specific piece.

All in all, you won’t find a more unique and interesting pornography on the shelf so early in 2012, and so I urge you to try Gangbanged.

8.65/10

Day 1

Jonny Borders.

Michael Jamieson.

Two distinct personalities, that once upon a time….were flung together (quite literally thrown into each other by wrestlers) and from that moment on a fierce friendship was born. Each of them with their own distinct voice ; crude and amusing. Both exactly similar and contradictory. What is this though? Well it will be a place for you to visit and find amusing. Regular segments you can expect;

Drawings My Dog Did
Towns With A Smaller Surface Area Than Jennifer Ellison’s Forehead
Non-Celebrity Paparazzi

And so many more that we do not want to spoil yet.

So hold on tight, because you may not realise it yet, but you have just got in the ground floor of something so special that it will make you bleed. From your arsehole. And you’ll thank us.

- Borders/Jamieson.