Join Borders And Jamieson as they wish their loyal fans a very happy and merry Christmas time. We sing some songs, have some laughs, but most importantly we discuss the true meaning of Christmas!
Following on from an unfortunate incident that resulted in a pornographic magazine having been left on the table, Claire discovered a magazine named “Swank”. To say she had some criticisms would be an understatement….
CELEBRITY! RAPE! WOW! HOT! FASHION! SEXY! HIV! DIE! FAMINE! POVERTY! HAPPINESS!
It has come to the attention of the staff at Borders And Jamieson that online spamming has become a huge problem. The birth of popular social media websites such as Facebook and Twitter have only enhanced this huge problem.
One worried reader sent us an example of a recent spam attack that has been montaged and shown in the image below.
This has sparked us into action!
This type of spamming is unacceptable and no one should have to stand for it.
Sign the comments section below to be a part of this!
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
Borders and Jamieson are proud to unveil a licensing agreement with popular clothes manufacturer, Clothes Company, and have made available a selection of controversial and black humour t-shirts.
The t-shirts are listed below and are available from here; http://www.redbubble.com/people/rezourceman
And here we have;
And here is some semen;
And for the truely courageous.
All shirts are available now!
As if any of our other content is….
I welcome you to a new segment and a peak into the world and minds of the BJ experience.
From The Phone will examine the conversations that Jonny and Mike have and will examine the contents with in, examining the examination. Examine. This first installment will take a look at a concept for a new fast food chain. “Vagina Burger” and its menu options. Lets take a look at how the business was born.
And so lets see what we have here…
A mockup of a VB.
The conversation continues.
So the menu takes shape.
Excuse the spelling mistake in “Burger” at one point – nightmare (editors note).
So, could you see yourself at Vagina Burger? What would you order? Sound off in the comments below.
SEXY! HOT! WOW! MAGAZINE! PRESS! PRINTING! INK! PAPER! #SMRG
In a surprise, special invitation only press conference held today, Apple announced a new addition to their product base. The cutting edge “iPad Maxi” measures over 50 inches in screen size, weighs 112 kilograms (lighter than comparable tablets)
Apple Unveils New Fifth Generation iPad with Retina Display, Faster A8X Chip, BodyTime HD Camera & LifeSize Interactive Pornography Hub.
SAN JOSE, California?November 18, 2012?Apple® today introduced iPad® Maxi, a completely new iPad design that is 707 percent heavier and 450 percent larger than the fourth generation iPad. The new iPad Maxi features a stunning 51.8-inch Multi-Touch™ display, BodyTime® HD and iSight® cameras, an incredible 1.2 hours of battery life²?every inch an iPad, yet in a revolutionary design you can grasp precariously in one hand and barely lift. iPad Maxi comes with iOS 6, the world’s most advanced mobile operating system with over 200 new features.
Timothy Cook said of the new device “We wanted to provide a product to customers that literally feels different, that can be used to provide the entertainment and the tools that our other products cannot provide”
“Boasting a screen size of 51.8 inches, this new iPad is the only platform that can deliver our brand new LifeSize Interactive Pornography Hub application. This new app puts you in the front row of your wildest fantasies. With an open source uploading programme, the service will launch with over twenty free interactive videos, over fifty paid videos, and the opportunity to programme and upload your own interactive programming. It makes every sexual decision you make have a price and pay off, and having used the programme extensively over the course of the last four months, I can confirm that it is one of the most in depth and rewarding experiences you can achieve from an Apple product.”
The iPad Maxi goes on sale on Monday with the 2GB 3G version available for $4,999.99 and the 4GB Wi-Fi version available at $69,599.99. Sound off in the comments section below about your thoughts.
As part 1 of Legal Loopholes was such a roaring success (http://bordersandjamieson.com/?p=129) (I had a lot of comments from budding amateurs saying how much it helped them) I thought I would give a friendly user guide to another of lifes little oddities.
Once again, I will cover the five important steps that the law sees blind, and you can do with that information what you wish.
1) Escalate The Crime.
I’m not going to lie, this is probably the worst tip and thats why it is the first tip I’ll highlight. Its a simple enough concept for anyone to grasp. If you rape someone, and then kill them….no one is going to be TOO concerned about the first bit. I mean, a rape is “bad” in the eyes of the law, but killing is a whole other beast. Sure, if you’re caught, you’ll get sent to prison, but if that outcome has a silver lining, at least prison is rife with rape.
2) Forced Consent.
This is a really affordable and completely legal way around the whole rape thing. Its so straightforward, you’ll wonder why you’ve been raping people illegally all these years. You’ll need a genuine, loaded gun. Locate your victim, show them the gun, prove that its real by shooting something, then pass them the dictaphone you have also purchased, and tell them to state “I give consent for X (your name) to have sexual intercourse with me”, then get them to return the dictaphone, and then have sex with them. Completely legally!
3) Target Vegetables.
Answer me this. Is it legal to masturbate using a butternut squash in the comfort of your own home? Yes. Yes it is. Is it pleasurable, moist, soft yet firm and easy to clean up? Yes to all. But that second bit isn’t relevant. Whats my point, I hear you cry…..target vegetables. Urban Dictionary describes a vegetable as being;
“A person who is brain-dead”.
So….thats absolutely fine then. And a judge in a court of law would have a hard time disagreeing with your logic. Heck you can even quote the above passages if you do find yourself in a sticky situation. If anything you’re doing them some good anyway, they probably never get as much attention, sexually at the very least.
4) What Does “Rape” Even Mean?!
In the movie “Road Trip”, Sean William Scott’s character discusses the meaning of cheating and what constitutes cheating. Its a guide set that I have not only lived by, but its also inspired me to create and think of my own set of standards and ethics that I hold myself to. And here we will think about something similar.
How can you rape someone that doesn’t even know what rape means?
Simply put, you can’t! But what does this mean exactly? It means you need to be focussing on the young, the uneducated or the delirious. Young children don’t know what it means, and in my experience they might even get into it. The uneducated will think its fine or a game…normal even, depending on upbrining and background. Finally the delirious – I like unattended people in retirement homes; and there is SUCH lacking security. Five simple words have never been so easy to secure you some sex. “I’m a friend of Bettys’” gently uttered to the nurse at the door, and you are IN. Usually such a selection too.
5) The Mainstream Approach.
Finally, we have the most common and mainstream approach to rape. Why is it so popular? Because it works. Roofies or the “date rape” drug are a powerful tool. Again, we take a leaf out of Road Trip Stiffler Clone’s book, and propose that….if the other partner you have sex with (victim sounds so dark) doesn’t remember the sex taking place, then did it ever even happen? Now, I want to add a couple of tips to this to enhance enjoyment, and avoid getting caught (because in this instance, if you DO get caught, it probably is a little bit illegal, and thus defeats this articles title).
A) Pull out. If you truely don’t want to leave evidence, then pull out before you deposit. A sore vagina, asshole or mouth can be explained away by “I slept funny” or a simple muscle aching….having a sticky load of semen in there is usually a give away.
B) Force Protection. I wouldn’t be so selfish to suggest that you should wear a condom (or for the female readers, a femidom) but rather, buckle up your target. Force that dental dam or sheath into them, and reach in, or pluck off and dispose of it after the act.
C) Dyson. Powerful suction.
Friend of Borders and Jamieson, Richard Kyson has claimed that Madeline McCann has been kidnapped.
Richard Kyson, a customer servicing agent from Buckinghamshire has been looking after Madeline McCann since her parents mistakenly believed her to have been kidnapped from their hotel in Portugal, in 2007. The couple became intoxicated and returned to a different (and empty) hotel room, believing their daughter had been kidnapped. Young Madeline found her way home and was united with Richard Kyson soon after.
The story has unfortunately taken a tragic turn this week, as Richard confirms that Madeline McCann has indeed now been kidnapped.
Richard, now a famed member of the Bucks community was recently seen supporting Tottenhamshire Hotspur Football Alliance on national television (as seen below).
“Madeline is like a daughter to me now, and I am like the mother and father she never had.” Richard Kyson said in a press statement today. “We are just desperate to get her back into safe hands again. Her life has been hard enough.”
Police are following leads on a suspicious looking individual that has been seen in the area, please call the dedicated crimestoppers line on 012964 31345535 if you have seen an individual matching the below face match.
DISCLAIMER; The above article is not true in any way, shape or form. Madeline McCann’s whereabouts are currently unknown and no party mentioned in this article or affiliated with this website have any idea or any thing to do with the unfortunate events. We hope that she is found soon if applicable.